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Reasons for breaking up
People break up for lots of different reasons. Sometimes you realise that you're not suited to each other, or that you have grown apart. Everyone has different reasons for splitting up, but it's likely that someone in the relationship will be upset. If you realise that you are in a relationship with someone that you are no longer romantically interested in, it's time to be honest and tell them.
Ending a relationship
When you realise that you no longer feel the way that you once did about your partner, it is important that you let your partner down gently. They may feel differently to you, or similar to the way that you feel. Above all it is important that you are honest with yourself and your partner. Although break-ups can be really hard on relationships, honesty will salvage any possible future friendship.
Tips to help you end a relationship
- Talk face-to-face. Don't do this on the phone!
- Relax. You are doing the right thing - they need to know the truth.
- Tell them that you feel this relationship on its current level needs to end.
- Give them some time to let it sink in.
- If they try to convince you to give them another chance, listen to them.
- Tell them that you've made up your mind.
- Tell them at what level you would like to keep your relationship (acquaintances, never-see, friends, etc).
- Listen to their response. Respect their feelings about this new level.
- Let them go when they feel they need to end the conversation.
Getting over a break-up
Accepting it’s really over can be difficult. It’s a good idea to surround yourself with your friends to help you take your mind of things, or to be there to listen and support you. You can try joining a new club or taking up a new hobby or interest. These can take your mind of the break up and can introduce you to new people. Visit Essex Young Life for a directory of things to do and places to go in Essex.
Useful websites
Need 2 Know - Relationships
Provides information on bullying, friendships and family.
The Site
Provides factsheets and articles on all the key issues facing young people.
Essex Young Life
Information on a wide range of clubs and activities.
Last updated: 20/06/11
Your Comments
Posted - 11:15, 02 Feb 2009
Hi, thanks for your comment. When a relationship ends regardless of the circumstances surrounding the break-up, it can often be difficult for a person to cope with their feelings and emotions. It may feel painful or sad. It is important not to bottle up your feelings and it’s a good idea to talk to someone you trust such as a good friend, or a close family member. A good friend will be there for you in times of need and will listen to you, support you and give you advice. Try to take positive steps to put your relationship behind you and take your time before jumping into any new relationship. Connexions PA
Posted - 11:34, 19 Oct 2009
ive recently broke up with my boyfriend and its really starting to hurt as just a week before we was considering a civil partnership, idont no what to do, i love him.
Posted - 03:10, 20 Oct 2009
Hi thanks for your comment. We are sorry to hear of your news as it is clearly a difficult and distressing time for you but remember there is help and support out there. If you call into your local Connexions Centre we can refer you to a counsellor who will be able to listen to you about any issues you may have, in order to help you move on. We provide information on our website about WHCM Counselling and you can find further information from the left hand navigation under ‘Health > Emotional Well-being > WHCM Counselling’. Try not to bottle up your feelings and talk to someone you trust like a family member or close friend. You may want to consider joining a group or a club a positive step to putting your relationship behind you, allowing you to develop new interests and meet new people. You can visit Essex Young Life www.essexyounglife.co.uk to search for further support agencies and for things to do and places to go in Essex. Connexions PA.
Posted - 03:25, 09 Nov 2009
i broke up with my girlfriend and im crying asi right this so im goin to go cry about **** ****** breakin my heart
Posted - 09:20, 10 Nov 2009
Connexions is sorry to hear you are going through the heartache of a breakdown in a personal relationship, this is never easy. Try talking to a close friend or close family members who will be able to support you through this difficult time. Try joining a new club or taking up a new interest, this will keep you occupied and is a great way to meet new people. At your local Connexions Centre a Personal Adviser can listen to you and signpost you to relevant support agencies that will be able to offer additional advice and support.
Posted - 03:02, 22 Jan 2010
i broke up with my girlfriend 2-3 weeks ago and im still having trouble moving on with my life imean i love her to bits but she doenst see a future for us and know i love my ex again my head is messed up
i cant take it my heart wants my **** but my head says ******
what should i do
Posted - 03:05, 26 Jan 2010
Hi, we’re sorry that you have split up with your girlfriend and that you are finding it difficult to move on. Going through a break-up is one of the most painful things we can experience. It's a grieving process that takes time to heal and there are no quick fixes. Feelings depressed, sad and angry are normal feelings we go through at this time. It sounds like you are unsure about what you really want or who you want to be with. The important thing is not to rush into a decision, you may just need time to decide what is right for you and there is nothing wrong with being single for a while. Give yourself time to heal and move on. Try taking up a new sport or interest to take your mind of things. This may help you meet new people. Try visiting www.essexyounglife.co.uk to find things to do and places to go across Essex. It's also really important to laugh and be able to have a good time in order to balance out the confusion and pressure you are currently feeling. Hang out with people who are positive and good for you to be around. Relationships are never easy and only you know who you want to be with, ask yourself if you are being fair to yourself or the new lady in your life, maybe you need a little time for yourself before you involve anyone else. I hope you manage to work out what you really want out of your relationships, remember it will take time to get over your hurt. Best of luck Connexions PA
Posted - 02:40, 07 May 2011
Hi,
My boyfriend dumped me four months ago after being together for two years, we were really close and I miss him so much.
But it's not like he gives me a proper chance to get over him he always says he still loves me but isn't ready to get back together. I can't hang out with my friends because he's friends with all my friends.
I don't no what to do! He makes it all so complicated...
Posted - 11:43, 09 May 2011
Hi, when a long-term relationship ends you do need to take time to sort out your emotions. It is not fair to you for your ex-boyfriend to confuse you and make your life complicated. I’d advise you to talk to your ex-boyfriend and explain to him that it is unfair on you for him to keep telling you that he loves you when he is not ready to get back together. This talk is important because it defines the situation at the present and your relationship going forward. If you both decide to stay friends you should explain to your ex-boyfriend that the use of the word love is inappropriate and that his behaviour should change. You need to change your mindset completely and focus on being just friends and dismiss any confusing and conflicting comments from your ex boyfriend. This will allow you to move on and hopefully make you comfortable to see your mutual friends. Another way of moving on is to make some new friends, in addition to your current friends, perhaps by joining a new club or group. This can help take your mind away from your ex and gives you the time the time you need to move on to a new chapter in your life. Visit www.essexyounglife.co.uk for things to do and places to go in Essex. Best of luck, Connexions
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Posted - 08:40, 22 Jan 2009
I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago. we were together for almost a year. And it's really hurting now because actually he left me for his ex girlfriend the one he had before me...