Homepage > Relationships > Am I ready for sex
Should I have sex?
Deciding when and who to have sex with can be extremely difficult and you can often feel pressurised by your friends or your partner. The important thing to remember is that nobody should pressure you into having sex until you are ready. Relationships are strengthened by respect and if you decide that you are not ready, or wish to wait until you are married, your partner should respect your decision. Having sex is a mutual decision between you and your partner and you both need to feel relaxed and comfortable. Before having sex you should think about how the relationship could change after sex and whether this will strengthen your relationship or make it worse. Don't be rushed into sex - you don't want to do anything that you might end up regretting.
The facts
- Many young people lie about when they have had sex so do not worry about ‘keeping up’ with your friends or what you hear from the media.
- It is okay to change your mind and your partner should respect your decision.
- Having sex is not a sign of commitment or loving someone.
- By law you must be over 16 and give your full consent to sex.
Rushing into sex
It is important that before you have sex that you and your partner seek further information and advice about sexual matters. You should be thinking about your relationship, contraception, unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you decide that you are ready for sex you should be thinking about contraception. Visit a contraception clinic for further information about contraception. Young people (men and women) under 20 and living in Essex can receive free condoms using a C-Card.
First time thoughts and feelings
For many people the first time can be disappointing, painful and embarrassing, especially if things don’t go as expected. It’s important you and your partner are supportive to each other, before, during and after sex; ensuring that you don’t feel anxious, disappointment or have regrets the next day.
Further support
Remember, you have a choice to refrain from sex and saying no means no! You don't have to have sex with anyone because you think you should or feel pressured to do so. If you're having problems with any relationships and are concerned about:
then contact your local Connexions Centre/One Stop Shop and speak with a Connexions Personal Adviser.
Help lines
- Brook - 0808 802 1234
- Family Planning Association (FPA) – 0845 122 8690 Mon-Fri 9am-6pm
- Sexwise - 0800 28 29 30 (a free confidential advice help line on sex, relationships and contraception for young people aged 18 or under. It's open from 7.00am to midnight 7 days a week).
Useful websites
Sex: Worth talking about
Information on the different types of contraception and how to get tested for STIs.
Brook
Free and confidential sexual health advice for under 25s.
Essex C-Card website
Free condom service for young people under 20 in Essex.
Family Planning Association
The UK's leading sexual health charity.
NHS Livewell – Contraception
Find out about the 15 types of contraception.
BBC Surgery – Sex and relationships
Let’s talk about sex – all the info you need.
Make the right decisions
Advice on sex, relationships and contraception for under 18s.
Kingsley Ward Contraception & Sexual Health Services (KWC)
The KWC aims to provide confidential, non-judgemental contraception and sexual health services.
Online tools
Sexual health self-assessment
Is your sex life putting your health at risk? Take the safe sex test and find out more.
Your Comments
Posted - 02:47, 18 Mar 2008
Thank you for commenting. We will take your comments into consideration when this article is reviewed. Regards Connexions
Posted - 02:41, 26 Aug 2008
i fink dis page is a gd idea bt needs more detail bout other things
Posted - 05:20, 27 Aug 2008
Thanks for your feedback, if you have any suggestions about topics that you think should go on to the site or would like to get involved in developing the site and learn more about writing for the web, please email the webmaster.
Posted - 04:59, 30 May 2009
You should talk more about the problems with having sex aswell but I think it is a great page
Posted - 09:22, 01 Jun 2009
Hi thanks for your comment your feedback is greatly appreciated. In addition to this page we have another article about the health aspects of having sex. You can read this article by clicking on 'Health > Sex' from the left hand navigation. Connexions Webmaster
Posted - 06:36, 23 Mar 2010
I think it is a good page i think you should warn people what happens when you do first loose it and explain where they can go to get free conception
Posted - 09:53, 07 Apr 2010
Hi thanks for taking the time to feedback your thoughts on this article. Your comments will be taken on board when this article is reviewed. Connexions
Posted - 10:25, 19 Apr 2010
Hi thanks for all your comments. We have updated this article addressing your thoughts and concerns. Let us know what you think! Connexions
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Posted - 01:32, 12 Mar 2008
Why not mention that although many relationships lead to sex, there is still the option of refraining from sex until marriage.Most young peolpe don't take that , unless the have a particular faith commitment, but it is an option, a good option.