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Unhealthy relationships
As a teen, you will have relationships with a lot of people. In healthy relationships, you and your friend or the person you are dating feel good about each other and yourselves. You do activities together, like going to movies or out with other friends, and you talk to one another honestly about how you feel.
Respect
In healthy relationships, there is respect and honesty between both people. This means that you listen to each other's thoughts and opinions and accept each other’s right to say no or to change your mind without giving each other a hard time. You should be able to let the other person know how you are feeling. You might disagree or argue sometimes, but in healthy relationships you should be able to talk things through to reach a solution.
What is an unhealthy relationship?
An unhealthy relationship can be judged by a number of different factors that contribute to an adverse effect on your lifestyle or behaviour. In some, but not all cases, an unhealthy relationship could include a form of abuse (sexual, physical, verbal or emotional) and it could be that your partner:
- gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex
- bosses you around
- often gets in fights with other people or loses their temper
- pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don't want to do
- uses drugs and alcohol, and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing
- swears at you or uses mean language
- blames you for their problems, or tells you that it is your fault that they have hurt you
- insults or tries to embarrass you in front of other people
- has physically hurt you (violence or rape in the relationship)
- makes you feel scared of their reactions to things
- always wants to know where you are going and who you are with.
What to do if you’re in an unhealthy relationship?
If you are affected by any of the above you should speak to someone you trust or a trusted adult such as a parent or carer, teacher, doctor or nurse.
Help lines
- Connexions Direct: 080 800 13 2 19
- Brook (Confidential advice for under 25s) – 0808 802 1234
- Childline: 0800 1111
- NSPCC: 0808 800 5000
- National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247
In an emergency dial 999
Useful websites
Brook
Free and confidential sexual health advice for under 25s.
Survivors UK
Survivors UK provide a helpline, support groups and counselling for men who have been sexually abused.
Women's Aid
Information on domestic violence, refuge contacts and confidential helpline.
ChildLine
Information on a whole range of issues. If you have a worry you can't cope with you can contact ChildLine at any time.
Last updated: 20/06/11
Your Comments
Posted - 08:58, 26 Apr 2010
Hi thanks for telling us you your thoughts on this article. In order for us to continue to improve this article could you explain what you mean by ‘not enough’? Thanks Connexions Webmaster
Posted - 04:29, 27 Jul 2010
Is this an unhealthy relationship? when i went on holiday with 3 of my friends one of them became really controlling. She would always ask where i was going and how long i was going to be gone for, one day i spent the whole day in the sun with her and got heatstroke and when i had enough and said i needed some shade she got very angry and was asking me how long i was going for and to not leave her on her own. She wasnt even on her own because she wanted to talk to these boys she met anyway. She tried to control everything and i was forced into spending 60euros to go to a nigtclub with just her so she didnt get mad again. She even threatened me and smashed the door saying that was going to be my head. Thats not healthy is it? we havent spoke since she flew home early from the holiday.
Posted - 11:49, 29 Jul 2010
Hi, thank you for writing in with your concerns over your relationship with your friend. Friendships should be based on respect for each others feelings and in no way should you feel pressured into doing something you are unsure about or do not want to do. Have you tried talking to your friend to find out why she wants you with her all the time, there may be some issues she is happy to share with you? You are right to question this relationship and need to look at what you got out of this friendship, maybe your friend would like to talk to somebody at Connexions? One of our advisers could put your friend in touch with the right support for her personal needs. I hope you are okay after your holiday, if you need any further support please call into one of our Connexions Centres where you can discuss any issues confidentially with one of our Advisers. Good luck Connexions PA
Posted - 12:19, 10 Aug 2010
Hey thanks for the advice, there has been updates however! She deleted and blocked me and my other 2 friends and our boyfriends all off of facebook :/
So shes basically just cut us out of her life to be honest i wouldnt even know if shes still alive??? she would never go to connexions anyway she refuses to see the other side of any story which is why there was so much drama on holiday. I dont know where i stand with her and i guess i will never know, its a shame iv wasted so much time and effort on her though, shes not a very nice person but never mind.
Posted - 02:46, 12 Aug 2010
Thanks for getting back in touch. Your friend may need someone there for her to confide in and to support her to get further professional advice, but you can’t force your friend to talk to you. Try to be as supportive as possible and let the dust settle. If you are genuinely concerned about your friend’s mental health and it’s worrying you then feel free to talk about this confidentially with a Connexions Personal Adviser at your local centre. We can only help your friend however if she chooses to engage with our service. Connexions PA
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Posted - 05:06, 26 Apr 2010
good but not enough